Spoon Theory

It's about more than just silverware

Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino in 2003 to describe her experience of living with lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease, to a friend. It has since become an important tool that many chronically ill people use to describe their symptoms. It has even become so well known that many people in this community call themselves “Spoonies” as a way to identify and relate to each other.

Spoon Theory describes the way that many chronically ill people have to think about their energy levels throughout the day. It uses “spoons” as a unit of currency that represents expendable energy. For most healthy individuals, especially those who are young, energy is just available when they need it. Sure, all people can deplete their energy stores if they say, run around outside in the heat for a few hours, but chronically ill people may experience this same level of fatigue with simple actions like showering or washing dishes.

Demonstration

I just handed you twelve spoons. This is your allotment of spoons for the day. Every time you want to complete a task that requires more than the basic amount of energy, you have to give one spoon away. The things that cost spoons are different between people, and some people may start with more than others, but the big difference between Spoonies and healthy people is that chronically ill people are aware that they don’t have an unlimited amount of spoons to use throughout the day, so every action is a decision.

Spoon Count

12

Let’s start first thing in the morning. For many people, getting out of bed requires a spoon. Some people with certain heart conditions may pass out if they get up too quickly. For people with chronic pain, the morning may bring severe pain and stiffness in their joints. In both of these examples, getting up takes more thought, time, and effort then it would for people who do not have chronic conditions.

Spoon Count

11

You are down to eleven. Taking a shower will cost you one (or more), as will brushing your teeth, washing your face, making breakfast, and other similar activities. You have been putting off taking a shower because you know how much it will cost, so you have to do that today. You also can’t go without brushing your teeth, so that is another spoon lost. Even though you know that showering doesn’t count as washing your face, you can’t afford to lose another spoon, so you skip that. In addition, showering took so much out of you that breakfast will just have to be a granola bar or something else easy like that.

Spoon Count

9

You haven’t even left the house yet and you are already down to nine spoons. Driving automatically takes one and any extra stressors that you experience while driving takes up more spoons. Let’s say for the sake of this example that it was a good driving day. However, when you got to work, all of the handicapped parking spaces were taken so you had to park farther into the lot. That walk will cost another spoon.

Spoon Count

7

I’m going to skip ahead. Let’s assume that it was a very light day at work, and you only had to use 5 spoons throughout the day. This leaves you with 2 spoons remaining. You had hoped to go to the grocery store, but that would cost many more than 2 spoons, so instead you go home hoping that tomorrow you will start with more. The drive home automatically takes one spoon, so now you have a decision. You can cook dinner, clean one thing/small area, do a load of laundry (but not fold), wash dishes, do a couple physical therapy exercises, or something else that is relatively small. You only get to choose one.

Spoon Count

0

Physical Energy Spoons

In reality, chronically ill people don’t wake up and know how many spoons they have to spend each day. Many of us have a general idea about what our energy levels might be that day, but it isn’t a quantifiable amount. Instead, it is more a conversation that we have with ourselves about what our priorities are for that day. There may be something that we want to do, but if we have something that needs to happen later in the day, we have to make the decision of what matters most.

The other practical use of spoon theory is knowing when you are about to run out of energy. Even though energy is not quantifiable, there is a set amount of it available and most of us know when it is coming to an end. This allows us to realize that we must make a decision between multiple tasks and act accordingly.

In general, I always want to keep one spoon in reserve. When I use my last one, I feel the effects of draining myself greatly and often struggle with not having as many spoons for the next few days. Keeping a bit of energy in reserve is also good for when unexpected things happen.

My friends have all learned about spoon theory from me, so they know what it means when I tell them that I am out of spoons and are able to act accordingly. On some days, this might mean that they bring me dinner to make sure that I am still eating. Other times, it may just mean checking up on me and understanding that I may be off for a few days. We use this metaphor so that they can understand that I am not neglecting them, but rather that my health problems make my days more complicated.

Mental Energy Spoons

While Spoon Theory was created for the chronically ill community, it can also be applied to people with mental illnesses like Depression or forms of neurodivergency. These people aren’t necessarily referred to as “Spoonies,” but that does not discount their struggles with energy stores. For this population, the discussion is around mental energy instead of physical energy. This is much harder to explain. Often, this appears to outsiders as being lazy or procrastinating, but these terms are inaccurate and devalue the significance of the struggles faced by this population.

Mental energy is not something that can be observably seen or felt. The lack of mental energy presents as an anguish that makes it impossible to move or be productive, no matter how much the person wants to do a task. The difference between this and being lazy is the intent. Being lazy is often described as not wanting to do something even though you know you should do it. Being mentally exhausted is when you know that you should do something and seriously want to do that thing, but you just can’t do it. Often, you don’t understand why you can’t do it, you just know that you can’t.

I wish that there was a better definition of the mental barrier than that, but if someone has figured out a way to put it into words, it hasn’t gotten to me yet.

What I can tell you is the mental pain that comes with having no mental energy spoons. One of the biggest symptoms is self-hatred. We do not live in a world where it is commended when people take care of themselves, so it is hard to give yourself a break when you need it. Instead, we ignore our needs and push ourselves to a breaking point. Then, instead of resting and getting better, we blame ourselves for not being able to keep going and obsess over our lack of productivity.

I have seen people, myself included, driven to the point of sobbing or screaming due to a lack of mental spoons. Mental pain is discounted in our society. When you are in physical pain, you are able to justify your struggle by pointing at the area of concern. With mental pain, on the other hand, there is nothing to point to, so therefore, many people in severe mental pain place the blame on themselves. This may stop them from seeking out professional help or cause them to spiral further into more and more pain until they no longer are able to function.

Finding a Balance

Most chronically ill people have to balance mental and physical spoons.

When a person only has a set number of spoons for their day, it can make doing large and important tasks unrealistic. For me, working out takes all of my spoons, so if I want to schedule working out, I know that I won’t be able to plan anything else on that day. This is immensely inconvenient, so I am usually only able to go to the gym once a month.

If I were to use a small portion of my spoons on a separate task (like cleaning), it wouldn’t be possible for me to use my leftover spoons to go to the gym. Therefore, often, the smaller tasks get prioritized over the larger ones because as soon as we do one small task, the large task must be postponed.

This may be easier to understand if we step out of the Spoon Theory metaphor and consider the original function of spoons. A spoon can pick up a set amount of soup, but it can also pick up smaller amounts. However, once a portion of the spoon is filled with that smaller amount, the original large serving can’t be added to the spoon.

This form of energy is not as simple as deciding to skip the run or just do arms. The entire process of going to the gym takes a set number of mental and physical spoons and if any of those are used on other tasks, going to the gym is no longer an option.

Below is a visual representation of the spoons required for different tasks in my life.

These represent the average number of spoons required for certain tasks, but I can either need more (common) or fewer (less common) for tasks depending on situational details.

While many people can understand the struggle of feeling like you have run out of energy, I would caution people from using this language to describe themselves unless they either have a chronic illness or need an extra tool to describe their energy struggles. This is not an attempt to gatekeep, but rather a warning that many who use this terminology do so because the term fatigue is insufficient to describe the extremity of their symptoms. Therefore, having this language is very important to many people, so if you would like to use it to describe yourself, I implore you to do so with caution and ensure that it is truly the best way to describe your situation.

Sources:

Miserandino, Christine. 2003. “The Spoon Theory.” But You Don’t Look Sick. 2003. https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.

Schultz, Kirsten. 2019. “I’m a ‘Spoonie.’ Here’s What I Wish More People Knew About Chronic Illness.” Healthline. April 18, 2019. https://www.healthline.com/health/spoon-theory-chronic-illness-explained-like-never-before.